The honest wish to “be happier” may actually be leading us to unhappiness.
A study from the University of Toronto in Canada revealed the existence of a “happiness paradox,” which states that the more we desire happiness, the more our willpower is depleted, making us more likely to succumb to sweet temptations and engage in unhealthy behavior.
The very act of chasing happiness takes away from your capacity to regulate your thoughts and emotions, making you more likely to engage in behaviors that bring you unhappiness.
So how can we escape this trap of our contradictory pursuit of happiness?
Why trying to be happy makes you unhappy
The “happiness paradox” is a paradoxical phenomenon in which the stronger one’s desire for happiness, the greater one’s sense of unhappiness and lack of happiness becomes. This has been the focus of research for the past decade.
For example, previous research has pointed out that the desire to “be happy” increases time-related anxiety and stress , ultimately decreasing satisfaction.
It’s a frightening phenomenon that so many people who try to be happy end up unhappy.
So now, a research team from the University of Toronto decided to dig deeper into this “happiness paradox.”
The purpose is to deplete “willpower,” an issue that has recently been attracting attention.
When humans try to accomplish something, they use willpower, but that power is not infinite.
Other studies have shown that exhausting your willpower can have negative consequences, such as making you more susceptible to temptations and engaging in pointless activities.
So this time, the researchers
“Does the pursuit of happiness deplete our self-control?”
To test this hypothesis, a total of four experiments were conducted.
Self-report surveys and behavioral measures (Studies 1 & 2)
In the first two studies (Study 1 and Study 2), we measured the importance participants attached to “being happy” on a daily basis.
At the same time, we also obtained indicators of actual behavior by examining the strength of self-control and measuring the time spent on a choice task simulating a product purchasing situation.
The results showed that people who reported a stronger desire for happiness tended to have lower self-control scores and spend less time on tasks.
Interestingly, these associations do not appear to be explained solely by the influence of momentary mood (“I feel good today” or “I feel bad today”).
In other words, this suggests that fundamentally “being conscious of happiness” may deplete self-control resources.
[Priming experiment (Study 3)]
In the third experiment, participants were divided into two groups and shown advertisements containing the phrase “happiness,” while the other group was shown advertisements that did not specifically evoke happiness.
After that, we conducted a chocolate taste test in which we told participants “You can eat as much as you like” and measured the amount they actually ate.
The results showed that the group that saw the “happiness” ad ate more chocolate.
In other words, even a very brief period of exposure to happiness may weaken self-control and make it harder to suppress desires.
[Goal Comparison Experiment (Study 4)]
In the fourth and final experiment, we set two conditions.
One group was instructed to make the choice that would make them happier, and the other was instructed to make a choice based on their personal preference (accuracy).
Participants were presented with pairs of everyday items or drinks, and after deciding which one to choose, they were tasked with solving an anagram (a letter-rearrangement puzzle).
What we focused on here was the difference in “persistence,” or how persistently one continues to solve the puzzle.
The results showed that the group that was focused on making choices that would make them happier tended to give up more quickly, clearly suggesting that willpower is depleted in the pursuit of happiness.
Overall, the four experiments showed a consistent pattern that the pursuit of happiness drains self-control.
The very pursuit of happiness robs us of our psychological leverage, weakening our resistance to everyday decisions and temptations. This is precisely the essence of the “risk of wishing for happiness.”
These results suggest that trying to be happy or being exposed to any kind of happiness quickly drains a person’s willpower and robs them of their ability to control themselves.
The more you consciously try to change yourself, thinking “I need to feel more positive” or “I can’t be satisfied with this,” the more energy you will expend to do so, and as a result, you will be more likely to lose self-control and concentration.
As a result, we become unhappy because we are drawn to actions and habits that are the opposite of what will bring us happiness.
Feeling unhappy in comparison to others who are happier is essentially relative unhappiness, not absolute downfall.
However, wasting your willpower and giving in to temptation or engaging in meaningless activities directly brings about unhappiness.
Losing willpower in the process of striving for happiness, stopping going to work, and losing your job is a more direct and absolute misfortune than feeling unhappy because you earn less than others.
In that sense, the real reason why people become unhappy when striving for happiness is not comparing themselves to others, but the decline that comes from a lack of willpower.
If you want to be happy, don’t aim for “happiness itself”
The depletion of self-control resources that lies behind the happiness paradox gives us a strong suggestion that we should reconsider the act of “pursuing happiness.”
First of all, I am not going to make the extreme claim that “don’t aim for happiness,” but rather, rather than setting “happiness” as a goal, it is important to look at “what you already have” and find joy and gratitude within it.
Rather than intentionally struggling to attain positive emotions, accepting the life and relationships in front of you and appreciating the resources you have now — “relaxing,” so to speak — is likely to result in sustained happiness.
On the other hand, in recent years the self-help industry has churned out a large number of methods claiming that “if you do this, you will be happy immediately,” and these methods send out the message that “your happiness is up to you.”
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being positive and building your own happiness through your own efforts, but excessive optimism and excessive responsibility can drain your willpower and run the risk of undermining your sense of happiness.
In addition, the media environment, including social media, encourages a structure in which people try to show off their better “happy lives,” creating an environment in which we can easily become caught up in a “happiness competition.”
It is undeniable that these social and cultural backgrounds may be further exhausting people who strive for happiness.
Also, when we look at cultural factors, in individualistic societies the pressure to “control your own happiness” is likely to be even stronger.
On the other hand, in cultures where collectivism is strong, values such as “communal harmony” and “sharing happiness with everyone” take priority, and there is less need to push oneself too hard.
It is hoped that future research will explore how the degree of “risk of wishing for happiness” differs across countries and cultural regions.
This is not to say that the “pursuit of happiness” itself is meaningless.
The important thing is to accept happiness as something that will come as a result, rather than working yourself to the bone in order to achieve it.
Connecting with people and things, and appreciating the small pleasures of everyday life, may be the key to supporting sustained well-being without overly draining willpower.
The message advocated by the research team, “Just chill,” may seem simple at first glance, but it could be an important hint for regaining a sense of moderation that tends to be lost in modern society.